Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she looked like the before picture.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
