Me too!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
