my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
