who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
