Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize