so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
