I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
