I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
