Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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