Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
