did you get engaged???
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
