he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
