I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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