I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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