Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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