How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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