See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
