my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize