Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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