Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
