i already hear my dad disowning me
Four minutes until I can fart!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The power of my boobs compel you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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