He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
