omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize