Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
