this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
