woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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