So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
