I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
