Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
