I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
