Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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