I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
