Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the day after is always just damage control
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
