New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
