Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
