Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They have beer where we have blood.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
