Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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