You made me cry and you don't even care
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think your dad took our porno
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize