3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
