My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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