What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
