One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
