My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
