apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need moral support for this bender
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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