If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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