"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
