: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
