I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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