Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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