not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Vodka?
Forever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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