Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Randomize
