.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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