the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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