If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Mom said you looked used
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
