margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My dad is sitting where you rode me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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