as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
