Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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