Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
