You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
