You're a womanizer and a bitch.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
