I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my shit smells like andre
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
