I just pynch a tree in the face
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
