farters have to be the big spoon...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
