so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
