In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
