He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
