we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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