you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
