You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
