I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
