Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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