You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize