I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think i have two assholes
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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